The day in headlines

by Linus

Today I find myself surfing NBC News’ website and can’t resist sharing some of their ‘can’t resist clicking’ headlines.

Glow-in-the-Dark Tampons Track Sewage in Rivers – you can’t make this stuff up, I’d dare you to even try.

Bieber Skewered at Roast Featuring N-Word, 9/11 Gag – I’m sorry, I didn’t get the memo that we should still be talking about Justin Bieber.  Or to quote Ozzy…”who the fuck is Justin Bieber”…well said Ozzy, well said.

Teens Who ‘Sip’ Alcohol as Kids More Apt to Binge: Study – does this mean kids shouldn’t sip, they should full on drink?  Also, why add the word ‘study’?  Does it lend more credibility if I think it is a study versus an actual article?

What Does California Need More Than Rain? – Hmmm…less immigrants?  lower taxes?  less stupid celebrities and reality people?  more wineries?  less stupid celebrities and reality people?  a football team?  another football team?  upgraded infrastructure?  less stupid celebrities and reality people?  legalized marijuana?  oh well, I tried.

Woman Stabs Boyfriend for Eating Too Much Salsa: Cops – come on…really?  If it was her salsa then she might have a legitimate claim here…especially if he took her Tostitos too.

Drought Restrictions Take Toll on California’s Pools – wait a minute here, hold everything.  This could actually be a real crisis.  Are you saying that all the celebrities and stupid reality people can’t fill their pools?  No.  Noooooo.  Noooooooooooooooooo!!!  We have to do something.  Everyone randomly look up one person in California (I will take Jeff Lewis, because I love Jeff Lewis that’s why) and immediately send them one bottle of water so we can help these poor people be able to go swimming.

Woman, 70, Fatally Shot After Answering Front Door: Police – well that will teach her.  Seems pretty cut and dry to me.

Coyote Wanders onto Bar Rooftop in Queens – yea, so?

Italy is Running Out of Pizza Makers – Fuck California, this is a real crisis.  Unless you live in California, no one even wants that state associated with the rest of the U.S.  It’s no big secret that we can’t wait til the big earthquake that completely separates California and makes it its own island.  But who doesn’t like pizza, come on…

Obama Urges Congress to Follow Ted Kennedy’s Example – which example is that, the one where you kill someone and completely get away with it?  Everyone knows Congress is more screwed up than those real housewives on Bravo, but when Ted Kennedy is the moral compass you are compared too…then that is taking it to a whole new level.  Full disclosure, I love Ted Kennedy.

Liberia Urges Ebola Survivors to Stop Having Sex – it’s probably a good idea for everyone in Liberia to stop having sex, regardless of whether or not you’ve had Ebola.

Is It OK to Eat Moldy Food? – Similar to the vaccinations debate, I’m gonna go ahead and leave this one up to you to decide for yourself.  My philosophy is if you want to eat moldy food, eat moldy food.  If you want to run as fast as you can into a wall, do it up son.  If you want to look down the barrel of a gun to make sure it is 100% clean, rock and roll my friend.

Round-the-World Solar Plane Touches Down in China – ahhh, a feel good story.  Wasn’t sure we’d run into one of those today.

Man Finds Stranger Buried Next to Wife, Again – I think the key word here is ‘again’.  Am I the only one who can’t stop laughing?