The Cynics Workshop

Where I can try to influence the world, one word at a time.

Month: August, 2014

Dayton, Ohio

Yesterday (August 19th) was a big day. Not for the reason many of you are thinking, but rather because on August 19, 1933 the first ever soap box derby race was ran in Dayton, OH. I have long known that Dayton was the home to Orville Wright, Charles Kettering and the National Cash Register Company (NCR)…so in light of this I decided to take a little deeper dive into the United States’ 61st largest metropolis and its 841,502 little Dayton-ites.

Founded on April fool’s day in 1796, this city has proved to be no joke. It has risen up to be ranked as the No. 1 medium sized metropolitan area in the U.S. for economic development by Site Selection magazine. I have never read that magazine…or even heard of it, but that sounds like a great honor. It was also ranked No. 16 & 14 for exports and export-related jobs by the Brookings Institution. I’ve also never heard of the Brookings Institution but anything that carries the title of an Institution has to have some type of credibility. I think it’s great that Dayton is doing such a great job in trying to balance out our trade surplus/deficit…what is your city currently doing?

Currently it is 51.3% female, great news for all you single guys out there. It is also home to the first round of the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tourney, more great news for single guys. Let’s hope they don’t export those things! That was a little joke based on Dayton’s ability to export things (see above paragraph).

Clearly the elite of the U.S. have taken notice of Dayton. President’s Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, Garfield, Kennedy, LBJ, Nixon, Ford, Reagan & Clinton have delivered addresses from the steps of the Old Courthouse in Dayton. When’s the last time a U.S. President has visited your city? Note, please do not answer this question if you live in Washington, D.C., or New York City…because it happens all the time there.

The tallest building in Dayton is a whopping 408 feet tall. You may laugh at that, but such a short building allows more of the sunlight to touch the city, thus allowing for happier people, which leads to a more productive city, etc. If you don’t think that is important, go visit Seattle. The sun literally never come out there, and coincidentally, Seattle is a horrible city…see how that works?

Don’t like politics or women? Did you know that in 2012 (just 2 years ago), Dayton was ranked No. 2 in the Country as an arts destination? That’s higher than Cincinnati. Dayton is also home to the Dayton Art Institute and the Dayton Ballet. For someone who doesn’t like politics or women, there is a lot to do in Dayton.

Feeling a little under the weather? If so, Dayton will take care of you. In 2011 (just 3 years ago), the Dayton area was rated number 3 in the nation by HealthGrades for excellence in healthcare. That’s impressive. That’s also a lot higher than the town of Gary, IN. Have you ever been to Gary, IN? If so, it will make you sick. Seriously, you will become physically ill just by being in that city.

Assuming you are not physically ill and you are looking to visit Dayton, the Dayton International Airport operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. For all my International readers, you could also visit one of Dayton’s sister cities like Augsburg, Germany or Holon, Israel. Israel might be a little dicey right now…perhaps Monrovia, Liberia or Oiso, Japan.

I hope I was able to convey to you what an absolute city powerhouse Dayton is. Sure it may not have the luster and lure of a San Francisco or New York City, but few cities do. An just remember that John Dillinger was captured and arrested by Dayton city police while visiting his girlfriend at a boarding house in downtown Dayton…not San Francisco, but Dayton!


Headline of the Day

Do you remember a few weeks ago when I said that “Missing Boy Found Alive in own Basement” was the best headline ever? It still is. Today I found this little beauty though…”A Man Accidentally Killed Himself While Taking a Selfie.” What’s even better than the headline is how he killed himself. He was waving a gun around while taking a picture of himself and the gun accidentally went off. I would argue though that the gun didn’t accidentally go off…this was simply someone’s (you can fill in the blank here) way of doing the world a favor by removing this stellar individual. In related news, the Darwin Awards have been cancelled this year after an overwhelming outcry to give this young man the award were received. And I thought social media was stupid. If it weren’t for social media, I would have gone through my whole life thinking there wasn’t someone more stupid than the guy who got trampled by a bull while taking a selfie during the running of the bulls. On second thought, social media is stupid. In fact…so are selfie’s…there could be a future post dedicated to this new phenomenon.

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