You Named Your Kid…What?

by Linus

I had known for some time that Kim “I have no talent other than being blessed with a nice tush” Kardashian had given birth to Kanye’s little sprout, but I never really cared enough to click on the numerous teaser links to find out what they actually named it…I have to say ‘it’ because I still don’t know if it is a boy or girl. I was casually driving around the internet this morning when I stumbled upon the name. My reaction can only be summed up with one word. Really? I found myself just stupidly repeating that word over and over again as I read this baby name. Kanye’s last name, for those of you who aren’t familiar with the world of hip-hop, is West…so these virgin parents proceeded to strike a new chord in the song of creativity…they named their kid North West. This got me thinking about some of the other celeb’s and the stupid names they gave their kids…so I dug up a few interesting ones for your reading pleasures:

Rob Morrow named is daughter Tu Morrow.
I don’t even have to point out the serious level of creativity Rob has. This was quite simply the result of some good green tobacco.

Gwen Stefani named her daughter Zuma Nesta Rock.
I don’t really know which part of her name to make fun of first. Is Rock her last name…or another middle name? Aye.

Penn Jillette (of Penn & Teller) named his daughter Moxie Crimefighter.
I actually have to hand it to Penn, this sounds like a name you come up with as a 7 year old…only he actually carried out with it and gave his kid that name. His wife is obviously powerless to stop it…that’s what happens when you marry into money.

Jason Lee named is son Pilot Inspektor.
What if he actually grows up to be a Pilot? I can hear it now…”folks, this is Pilot, your pilot, we just reached our cruising altitude of 36,000 feet, it is going to be a smooth ride into New York…so sit back and don’t pinch the stewardesses butt, that’s illegal.”

Nicolas Cage named his son Kal-El.
Is El the last name? Sticky situations will arise when you start putting non-letters in the name…leave the hyphens to kids of parents who re-marry.

Bob Geldof named his daughter Fifi Trixiebell.
If you have ever seen ‘The Wall’…this will make sense.

Paula Yates (no idea who that is) and Michael Hutchence named their daughter Heavenly Hiranni Tiger Lily.
Michael has since hanged himself…duh.

Shannyn Sossamon named her daughter Audio Science.
I was actually going to name my kid Visual Arts until I saw this…no way I want to be accused of being un-original though.

Jermaine Jackson named his son Jermajesty.
He is a Jackson…so he is allowed to do dumb things.

Gwyneth Paltrow named her daughter Apple.
Why not Grape? Why not Mango? Why go with a fruit? Why not a vegetable? So many questions, so few answers.

John Cougar Mellencamp named his son Speck Wildhorse.
Speck? What does that even mean? Can’t you just hear him getting announced prior to giving the commencement speach at Harvard? “Ladies & Gentlemen, we would like to welcome to the stage to offer some words of encouragement to our new graduates, Speck Wildhorse!” Now if Geronimo named his kid Speck Wildhorse, that would make sense.

Jonathan Davis (lead singer for Korn) named his son Pirate.
Pirate, would you like to cross-examine the witness now? Don’t think that will happen.

Andre Benjamin & Erykah Badu named their son Seven.
Clearly they are Seinfeld fans…George Costanza would be proud.

David Duchovny & Tea Leoni named their son Kyd.
No way he doesn’t grow up with issues after a lifetime of hearing “come here Kyd” & “hey Kyd”. Why not name him generic, or average? Average Duchovny. Mediocre Duchovny. C Student Duchovny.

Frank Zappa named his daughter Diva Thin Muffin.
No pressure to skip desert here. I really can’t be too hard on Frank, his mind is obviously mush after doing some serious drugs. How else can you have kids named Diva, Dweezil, Ahmet, and Moon Unit?

Ashlee Simpson & Pete Wentz named their son Bronx Mowgli.
Mowgli? Is that a word…have we moved on to people who just draw letters from a hat and go with whatever comes out? And why Bronx? Why not Staten Island Mowgli?

Myleene Klass named her daughter Hero.
No pressure there.

There is one thing all these kids have in common…or will have in common: therapy.

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