New Laws

by Linus

So as I was perusing the web today, I happened to notice on CNN’s website that as of July 1st, there were a bunch of new laws that went into effect.  Their crack research team narrowed the list down to their top 20.  Below is their rather impressive list, along with my witty comments for each new law, enjoy…


  1. Illinois: Taxi drivers can charge passengers a $50 cleanup fee for vomiting in cabs.
    1. If we had this in NYC, we wouldn’t run a budget deficit every year.
  2. Kentucky: A law prohibits people from releasing feral hogs into the wild.
    1. Did the law mention anything about non-feral hogs?  Only the second one and I already found a loophole…
  3. New Mexico: Grocery stores, restaurants and other vendors are prohibited from claiming that their fresh chili peppers are New Mexico chilies unless they were grown in the state.
    1. I can’t believe it took this long for someone to think of that law.  If I am eating a fresh New Mexico chili pepper, you better damn well believe I want that thing to have been grown in New Mexico!
  4. Pennsylvania: Punxsutawney school guidelines increase from ½ cup to ¾ cup the minimum serving of vegetables for students in kindergarten through eighth grade.
    1. They were only at ½ a cup?  Now I know why Pennsylvania kids are so slow.
  5. Florida: A law forbids the shackling of women incarcerated during a pregnancy and immediately after giving birth.
    1. Some people see leniency, others see the perfect time to escape.
  6. Virginia: A law allows a brewery licensee to sell at retail the brands of beer that the brewery owns at premises.
    1. Is there any wonder more presidents were born in Virginia that any other state?  Genius!
  7. Virginia: A local ordinance requires electronic messages on outdoor advertising to remain in place for at least eight seconds to avoid driver distractions.
    1. I thought 7 seconds was sufficient, but what do I know?
  8. Kentucky: Prisoner of War and Missing in Action flags purchased or displayed by public institutions must be made in the United States.
    1. This is a no brainer.  I saw an MIA flag with ‘Made in China’ on it hanging down the street from my house and I almost lost it!
  9. Minnesota: A law increases penalties for transporting certain aquatic invasive plants and animals.
    1. I spend most of my weekend transporting certain aquatic invasive plants and animals; it would have been nice if they could have been a little more specific here.
  10. Florida: A law prohibits people from videotaping a person without his or her knowledge in a residential dwelling.
    1. Great, now what am I going to do this weekend?
  11. Indiana: A nepotism law prohibits local government workers from hiring or promoting family members in their direct line of supervision.
    1. Isn’t that how our Country got so good in the first place?  Memo to Indiana, you are going in the wrong direction.
  12. Virginia: A law requires a person convicted of DUI to have an ignition interlock device in their car, operable by blowing into a breathalyzer.
    1. My car has that now, does that mean NY is fast or Virginia is slow?  Or maybe it means I drink too much…
  13. Wisconsin: A law calls for mandatory license plates for all ATVs (all-terrain vehicles) operating in public areas.
    1. As long as I can have a cool novelty plate that says ‘ILUVATVS’, I am fine with this.
  14. Massachusetts: A law bans the disposal of medical sharps (needles, syringes and lancets) in household trash.
    1. So…that means I chuck them outside onto the street where kids and homeless can get them?  I see some potential negative repercussions coming from this one.
  15. Virginia: A law allows a concealed handgun permit as a valid form of identification when voting.
    1. Yeah…duh.
  16. Georgia: A law gives drivers the option of affixing a decal with the slogan “In God We Trust” on license plates in place of the county where they live.
    1. Leave it to the evangelicals…
  17. Nevada: Unclaimed casino earnings will be split between the state (75%) and the casino (25%). Previously, the casino got all the money.
    1. Why not donate it to charity?  Morons.
  18. Idaho: Law enforcement can issue arrest warrants by fax.
    1. They have fax machines in Idaho?
  19. Vermont: Minors (under 18) will be prohibited from using tanning beds.
    1. First off, thanks for clarifying what constitutes a minor.  Second, find me someone who works at a tanning salon who is actually over the age of 18, and then tell me how you are going to effectively govern this one.
  20. Kentucky: (Effective July 12) A law makes it more difficult for thieves to sell stolen copper for immediate cash at recycling centers by delaying payments.
    1. So if I’m a crook (big ‘if’ there), I am going to have to wait 3 days to get my money?  Ok…as long as I get it.  Instead of making it more difficult for thieves to get money for stolen merchandise, why don’t they make it more difficult for thieves to actually get the stolen merchandise in the first place?  Only in Kentucky…