Man vs. Beast

by Linus

Man has had a long history of going up against animals, some due to necessity, some due to sport, and some due to stupidity.

In the early days, we had to go up against the beasts lest we would not eat. I would like to think that the battles were fair, and that the end was humane for the animal. I am inclined to think that things were not only more fair, but far more humane than they are now. I am a loyal carnivore, so for the purposes of sustenance, I have no problem with an animal being sacrificed so I can have a larger waistline, my only hope is that the beast is put out of his misery without suffering.

I am a bit confused by those that say killing an animal is a sport. I played sports growing up, and I really don’t see any similarities between what I did, and killing an animal. I thought the definition of a sport was that 2 relatively equal matched opponents would square off, playing (or fighting) until one emerged victorious. I really don’t see how hiding in a bush and taking out an animal that is enjoying its lunch from 1000 yards away with an assault rifle qualifies as a sport. I see it as more an act of cowardice. I’ve had people tell me that only “real men” hunt, they were actually the ones that told me that NASCAR was a sport too, but if you were a real man, you would ditch the firearm, pick up a stick, and stand face to face with the beast ready for a challenge. If at that point, the animal walks away, or if you are actually able to conquer the animal, a-la Anthony Hopkins in The Edge, then you can consider yourself victorious, or in the latter example, a real man. Adding insult to injury are those who pose with their trophy. We’ve all seen these idiots right…kneeling next to the fallen beast, holding up their heads by their horns, and sporting an I-just-showed-you-whose-boss look. Nothing makes me wish more that the animal would suddenly awake for one last minute like the villains seem to do in cheesy horror movies to sink their teeth into the idiots’ thighs! Next time you find yourself holding an assault rifle while hiding in deep cover, I hope you are a sniper in Afghanistan, not some idiot on safari in Africa.

Lastly, let’s touch on those who by shear stupidly, find themselves in a duel with a superior skilled beast. I am of course referring to those who stick their arms through the fence at the zoo, or those who voluntarily wrestle alligators, or those who work for the circus. The most recent example of this came out just a few days ago. Apparently there was a scientist (who looked like he was in his seventies) who was looking to corral a gator in hopes of studying it for scientific gain. He gently walked up behind the beast, weakly threw a towel over the gators eyes, which didn’t really even land on its mark, and then attempted to mount the gator. Much to my, and many others, amusement, as soon as it felt something on its back, the gator quickly turned its head and sank its teeth into the arm of the poor, defenseless man. Fortunately for this dimwitted survivor, the gator released its grip and oldie was able to scamper away.

I have only been to the circus once, and I can tell you that I root for the animals. If you are going to remove animals from their natural habitat, teach them to do stupid tricks, and then have the nerve to charge people to watch them, then you need to be removed (forcibly if need be) from society. What is even more amazing than seeing an animal revolt and turn on their trainers, is the reaction from people who are hearing about the incident. It is always “oh that poor trainer”, or “that animal is dangerous, we need to put it down.” Let me clear something up for you, of course the animal is dangerous…that’s why it is a wild animal…and why it should be kept in the wild! It shouldn’t be shuttled around on a train from gig to gig, and it shouldn’t be paraded around in a cage with a trainer 15 feet away slapping its hind quarters with a whip, it should be roaming the countryside looking for its next meal. Watch the show “When Animals Attack” and you will see what I mean. In every one of those examples, you’ll see an animal that has been removed from its natural habitat, and you’ll see a human that is doing something stupid…it’s a patented formula.

We shouldn’t be putting these animals down; you can’t punish an animal for doing what it’s supposed to, for following its instincts. We shouldn’t cage these beasts up to begin with. If anything, the trainers need to be put down. If you are going to jump in the pool with a killer whale and then ask the sweet gentle whale to push you around by the feet with its nose, don’t be surprised when all of a sudden that animal mistakes you for a seal, and starts to toss you around like a rag doll. These people are precisely what Charles Darwin was talking about, they have yet to fully evolve, and so they will eventually be left behind. My only hope is that these winners are taken out before they have a chance to procreate.